The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
