Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
