So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
