If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
