I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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