i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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