chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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