I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
