Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
