When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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