well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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