yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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