grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
