This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
