I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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