either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Enjoy the penises
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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