i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
