Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
