I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
