had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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