he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my being single is dangerous.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
