that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
