You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
