Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
