I heard we made out
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
