sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
