It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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