I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
These tits shall not be calmed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
