I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
