so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
