he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
