i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
