this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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