you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
