I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
