Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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