and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
