I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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