I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
