I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
