a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
