I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
