On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
