a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
