Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
