I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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