My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
