just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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