Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
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BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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