I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think my fart just growled at me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
