He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will be naked everywhere
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
