I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I love you.
Bad choice
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
