Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
