you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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