forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
