Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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