weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
