I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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