we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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