please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
