The maid of honor just puked.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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