I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
